Christ-cussion
Posted on September 17, 2007
by: Big Jar
During Sunday evening’s game against the Minnesota Vikings, Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna suffered a concussion in the game’s second quarter. Astoundingly, Kitna revived himself on the sidelines, and after receiving medical clearance, returned to play in the third quarter and led his team to victory.
After the game, Kitna provided reporters with the following explanation:
“I’ve never felt anything like that, and for it to clear up and go right back to as normal as I can be, is nothing short of a miracle,” Kitna said Monday. “I just definitely feel the hand of God. That’s all it was. You can’t explain it.”
I don’t know about you, reader, but you know whose words I trust, more than any other person, on all matters spiritual and metaphysical? That’s right. The idiot football player who, only a few hours previously, was blasted in the head so hard that his brain entered into a hyperbolic state. He’s right; there’s no other explanation that could possibly explain what happened.
Do you think maybe that Laura Bush beats her husband, and the reason everything has gone so badly over the last seven years is that G.W. has just been suffering repeated concussions? Think about it! This could be the answer to world peace! Where’s the White House doctor?
Maybe that’s not the right guy to call. But please, somebody, save the President’s brain!
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Now, Jar, let’s not jump to conclusions about this experience… I think when we hear about a player thanking God for his/her victory, we should respect that… I mean, they did win, right? God obviously picked the team he wanted to win, and there ya go…
Bush isn’t concussive… At least he would do cool shit, like throw up on foreign dignitaries (like his dad) or almost walk off stage after giving a speech at the APEC summit (calling it OPEC) and thanking his Austrian hosts (they were in Australia)….. Wait a minute!